Independence Is Overrated

Dear Universe,

Someone I’m close to asked me today how I was doing, and I answered “fine” as usual. Then she asked me if I would tell her the truth if I wasn’t, to which I replied that of course I would.

But I’ve been thinking about it more since having the conversation, and the honest answer is that no, I probably would not admit if I wasn’t fine.

And I’m not saying that because I wouldn’t say it to her – she is one of the few people in my life I would be honest with. But maybe the problem is more within myself – if I would ever even admit to myself that I wasn’t fine.

I am not a person who asks for help. I don’t say out loud if I need something. I take care of myself.

If I don’t feel fine, I go inward. I process. I think. I try to understand every possible angle of the situation, and then I convince myself that I can fix it, do it, manage it all myself.

I guess maybe I used to think that was strength – that it made me all independent and badass or something.

But maybe I’m starting to see in myself a bit now how bullshit all of that is. How many times have I not told my kids that asking for help is a super power (thank you, Gabby’s Dollhouse) but do I listen to my own advice?

It would admittedly be freaking nice to be taken care of sometimes – to be held, carried, supported. I’m just not even sure I know how to do that anymore – how to accept being cared for. So I don’t ask and when it’s offered, I turn it away.

What an idiot, right?

I don’t know, Universe. I guess I’m realizing that what I thought was strength is actually just another wound. Hyper-independence isn’t something to glorify – it’s just another layer of fucked-upness I have to acknowledge and deal with.

Because maybe, just maybe, we’re meant to let other people in – the good ones. The ones who offer. The ones who truly care. Maybe there isn’t any weakness in that but just… humanness.

God why is being human such a shitshow sometimes?

I’ll try to get out of my head a bit, Universe. I’ll try to ask for help and be open to more care. I’ll admit when I’m not fine.

I’m not fine.

XO – Bailee

July 19, 2026