Can a Black Sheep Do It Alone?

Dear Universe,

All of that main-character-no-fear-let’s-do-this-shit energy from the other day?

Yeah, that might have been all talk. Or at least today it feels like it.

The truth is that I do think I’m meant to follow my own compass – to trust myself to set a path for my life and go for it, even if no one else understands what the fuck I’m doing.

It’s that part that terrifies and paralyzes me, though – doing it alone.

I haven’t quite gotten to the point yet where I feel confident making decisions for my life that aren’t approved by other people. But I guess somehow I end up making them anyway and then I constantly feel like a black sheep – a weirdo that no one understands who is living in some lala land of her own creation.

Then add in the fact that I find myself very much alone and it all kind of reinforces the belief that I’m just too much. Too different. Meant to do this life by myself because no one could possibly want to stick around for the walking, talking circus act that I am.

But man do I wish someone would finally be up to the task.

I want someone walking beside me who reminds me that I can do it when I stop believing in myself. I want someone who is willing to listen to all of my wild and crazy ideas and help me make them work in reality instead of talking me out of then. I want someone who is so fucking fascinating that I can’t help but be inspired to live even more fully.

Where is that someone, Universe?

And yeah yeah I know exactly what you’re going to say (jerk)…

This is the curriculum for me right now: learning to trust that I can do it on my own. I have to find my way without that someone, and when I do – when I’ve learned that I can – that’s when they enter the picture or some bullshit.

Fucking annoying.

I’m trying here, Universe. I’m trying to shut out the noise of other people’s opinions and follow my gut and live my life the way I want to and am meant to and all of that.

It would just be nice to – for once – maybe feel like that was good enough for other people, too. Valued. Worthy of belonging. Anything that gives a tiny, motivating ounce of “you’re doing the right thing.”

I don’t really know what the takeaway is here, Universe, other than, as usual, I see the damn growth path you’ve put me on and I am taking it (but I will be bitching about it the entire way).

If you wanted to send me a little confidence – some positive energy or a sign or something, I don’t know – I’d be quite grateful.

Until then, the black sheep is going back to her circus act in lala land. See ya round, Universe.

XO – Bailee

July 18, 2026