Who Wants To Float With Me?

Dear Universe,

I am a deep person. I don’t do superficial. I don’t do surface-level.

If someone is in my space, I want the trauma. I want the truth. I want the good, the bad, and the ugly.

And when there aren’t so many people in my space, I hunt the depth myself. I think about what it is to be human. I ponder the meaning of life. I analyze how I raise my kids. I contemplate my direction and my purpose and my growth.

I default to depth.

And fuck sometimes that gets really really heavy.

It’s possible that I begin to drown myself in that depth without even realizing it. Life becomes something to constantly understand instead of something to live, and the pressure of that weighs on the soul.

But do you know what I’ve discovered is the key to staying afloat, Universe? The key to balancing the heaviness?

Joy.

It took a recent experience with someone who brought joy into my life to really be able to see what levity it brings – to see that other side of me that emerges when the weight is lifted a bit.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m never completely joyless. I can and do smile at butterflies and stop to smell pretty flowers and notice the changing colors in the clouds and all of that. Sometimes my kids can make my heart swell with happiness (on the rare occasion they aren’t being banshees).

There is always lots of joy to be found.

Maybe what I am missing now, though, is the easy joy that flows from conversation. Joy that doesn’t have to be discovered but just lands naturally. Joy that comes from simply interacting with another person from inside the depths.

I want more of that joy.

I’m in a position now, Universe, where I need to find that joy again. But now I know it exists. Now I know where to look beyond the birds and the bugs and the sky. Now I know that other people can be my oversized unicorn floatie when the deep end gets too deep to touch the bottom.

You see, I want both – the joy and the depth. I need both. I want to swim in the deep end without feeling like I’m constantly treading water.

Can you help me with that, Universe? I’m ready for you to send the people who want to hang out with me on innertubes in the deep end.

And if they just happen to bring a cooler of beer with them, I won’t protest…

XO – Bailee

July 20, 2026