Man! I Feel Like A Woman

Dear Universe,

Sorry I haven’t written much lately. I’ve been in a living life kind of phase a bit more than in a sit down and reflect kind of phase – feeling alive and letting myself actually enjoy that.

And of course, Universe, as pathetic and girly and probably unhealthy at this stage in my healing as it is, it’s been because of a man.

This time it wasn’t just passing by an old grumpy man on the street, but an actual connection with a real life person.

Before you or I get carried away, Universe, I don’t know if this is going anywhere. That isn’t the point. For the first time in my life I’m not really trying to force it to.

I’ve been having fun. I’ve been grinning at my phone like a silly teenager. I’ve felt witty and sexy and seen – things I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel again after the past few months of constant crap.

It’s been nice to be reminded of that – that I’m capable of feeling like a woman again.

Ooh and it doesn’t just end at the fun, Universe.

This interaction has been a complete and total test of staying true to myself inside a connection, something you and I both know has not been my strong suit in the past.

I’ve been honest. I’ve been vulnerable. I’ve set boundaries and actually held them.

And yeah it’s all been scary – putting myself out there again and testing the waters. But I can feel myself overcoming the fear with every sent message. I can feel myself being more and more OK with “this either goes somewhere or it doesn’t, and as long as I stay true to myself, I’m good.”

That’s not a place I would have ever expected to have landed. I wasn’t even aware before that it was a place you could be. Yet here I am.

The guy is great. I truly enjoy him. But this was never about him. For once I’m making it all about me me me and if he’s cool with sticking around for more of that, I’d welcome it.

Thank you for sending him my way, Universe. Whatever his role becomes in my life, he’s already been more significant in my growth journey than he could ever know (well, until he reads this, because he reads what I write – swoon).

Cheers to being a woman, Universe!

XO, Bailee

PS – The Question and Answer portion of this post is closed