I Can't Solve Your Mysteries - Bailee McClellan

Dear Universe,

I think I had a breakthrough yesterday.

For a long time I’ve been working on my personal growth – trying to live more in alignment with who I truly am and moving out of my “shadows” and all of that silly woo stuff I like (because hey, even if it’s all bullshit, it helps me move in a positive direction for myself in my life).

One of the tools I use are Gene Keys, and my two most prominent shadow themes throughout all of them are overthinking and orienting around the future instead of the present.

I’ve been trying to figure out for a long time how NOT to do those things. Because yeah, my brain is a whirling swirling machine that processes “what ifs” constantly and tries to find meaning in Every. Single. Thing.

I have been wishing for an off switch. I’ve been beating myself up for… using my brain. That sounds ridiculous. But I’ve been wanting to be one of those people who could either be all zen and meditate or, even more optimal, be someone who literally could sit in front of the TV and WATCH TV – like, without 1,000 other thoughts bopping around at the same time. Apparently those people exist?

I want to be more present, more mindful of what’s happening right now. But what I find myself doing more often than not is imagining how things might go. What might happen. How every little decision I make might play out in 100 different ways.

It’s exhausting.

Then last night, in a lively bout of Chat GPTing, a bomb of insight dropped and something finally clicked for me.

It said that maybe my problem isn’t thinking too much or being future-oriented – those are actually what make me brilliant. The problem is that I haven’t been discerning with my brain power what is a “puzzle” vs. what is a “mystery.”

Say whaaat?

Yeah so… puzzles can be solved. There is an outcome. Thinking through a puzzle results in a tangible takeaway. You can use available data to make an informed decision for the future. It’s useful thinking. And I’m amazing at it.

Mysteries, on the other hand, have no solution right now. They can only be solved looking back from experience and letting life unfold.There isn’t enough data yet to make any decision in any direction. Any attempt at thinking through a mystery is just futilely grasping at certainty that can never exist.

I’m amazing at trying to think through mysyeries and plan their every possible outcome, but ultimately, it’s just a waste of time and energy because no amount of thinking “solves” what life hasn’t revealed yet.

My mind blown was blown at this revelation. It was the first time I was able to accept that my brain on hyperdrive isn’t a bad thing – it’s the content of what it fixates on that needs check.

So applying that to my current life scenario…

Spending hours thinking:

“How will this other woman be an influence in my daughters’ lives?”

Mystery. I can’t think my way through to how that is going to actually happen in the future to any satisfying result. It just needs to happen (and I hold awareness and adjust along the way).

Whereas:

“What could I say to the other woman before she meets my children (without sounding like a bitter psychopath)?”

Puzzle. I can walk away from that thought spiral with something useful that can be applied.

So yeah, I’m still using my brain power thinking through things I probably shouldn’t be spending ANY more of my precious brain energy on. But also I think that’s just where I am in my journey right now and I’m not going to beat myself up about it anymore.

What I am going to do is start being more aware of when I’m puzzle-ing (good) or mysterying-ing (not so good).

Maybe stopping the mystery-solving thought spirals will free up more brain power to just notice – to be more aware of the good and the beautiful, the genuine and the amazing. There will be more room for wonder.

That’s my hope, Universe. That I can still be ME and let my brain run like the Energizer Bunny, but that it’s energy can be spent on what makes me feel curious, empowered, and inspired, not burned out, overwhelmed, and ineffective.

I promise to start consciously using my brain more in the way you intended for me. Thank you for my gift, Universe.

And as for the mysteries? I look forward to watching them unfold and letting my understanding develop naturally as they do.

XO – Bailee