Am I The Weird One?

Dear Universe,

I love our fish.

Our kids wanted a pet a few months back and we weren’t ready to commit to a dog (or a lot of other things, apparently), so we decided on getting them a fish.

And I won’t lie – that fish became MY thing way more than it ever became our kids’. I researched the crap out of the fish. Planned for the fish. Set up for the fish. And now I care for and watch and generally enjoy our fish.

Which apparently makes me really fucking weird.

So fucking weird that I’m pretty sure that fish was the straw that broke the camel’s back on me being officially dubbed the most boring woman in the world (and I guess therefore no longer worthy of fidelity).

But seriously, Universe… am I the weird one here?

That aquarium is an ecosystem I built. Filled with life – a fish, shrimp, plants, a colony of bacteria I can’t see. There is a whole world going on inside that glass.

It’s FACINATING.

It’s beautiful. It’s calming. And yeah, it’s slow.

I enjoy taking a few minutes of quiet to just observe the life in the tank. I enjoy the zen, the stillness. I enjoy feeling connected to a little world so unlike my own.

Are you telling me that’s weirder than mindlessly scrolling through reels of people farting or falling down on skateboards? Stimulating my brain with 2 seconds at a time of garbage is more “normal” for human beings now than winding down by watching a fish swim peacefully?

I notice the pure joy in children when they come to visit our home and get to interact with our fish. They search for the shrimp among the plants. They want to feed the fish. They ask questions and press their faces right up to the glass to get a better look at the environment inside.

When did we lose that sense of wonder, Universe? And why am I the weird boring one for wanting it back?

I saw a quote the other day that said something about the secret to happiness being in what we notice – that there is beauty and goodness all around us if we just slow down enough to pay attention to it (I’m butchering it but that was the gist).

That’s what my fish is to me. Beauty. Purity. Happiness with fins.

Maybe that makes me fucking weird, Universe. Maybe I really am the most boring woman in the world.

I guess I’ll just have to live with that alone in front of my fish tank while the rest of the world scrolls on.

XO, Bailee