She Looks Like Her Dad

Dear Universe,

I’m sitting on a bench at the playground watching my girls play monster with the neighbor kids, and Callie just made a face that made me think “holy shit you look just like your dad.”

And for some reason that hit me really hard.

So now I’m sitting here on a bench at the playground watching my girls play monster and fighting back tears.

It’s like I’ve been able to compartmentalize all of this for a long time now. I have the kids. He has the kids. My life goes on. So does his.

But for some reason that stupid fucking expression on her face just woke something up that reminded me of… something.

I’m not even sure I can put my finger on the feeling.

Loss maybe? Of the familiarity that somehow isn’t familiar anymore. Of the memories now somehow tarnished. Of the ability to look at my kids and somehow keep it compartmentalized.

I don’t know.

I think we’ve gotten to a point – him and I – where we can be neutral to each other, if not even budding friends. I hope we can be.

I’m sure if I told him this story to his face we would both laugh about my recognition of him in “monster face” and he would make some stupid joke and we would be OK. I wouldn’t feel any gut punch in that interaction.

I wish I could explain or understand what’s washing over me now looking at this goofy-faced kid. I guess I’m not a very good writer that I can’t describe it better.

Yet here it is.

Maybe it’ll all make sense another day. For right now, it’s back to the bench to just… feel it.

XO – Bailee

August 22, 2026