What If I Don’t Have All The Answers?
Dear Universe,
I’ve had a dry spell with writing to you. My sincerest apologies. Trust me – I’ve been beating myself up about it.
The absence of words hasn’t been a total bust, though. I’ve been learning a few things about myself (as usual).
For one, I’ve realized I’m more inclined to write to you when I’m emotionally activated – when I’m about to erupt with words because I can’t handle the feelings behind them inside my body. And, well, I guess I haven’t been so activated lately. Maybe I’ve found a bit of that peace stuff I wasn’t sure I wanted (which, OK, is admittedly kind of nice).
Secondly, I stop myself from writing a lot because I feel like I need to say something that means something – something profound or that solves a problem or has some takeaway. And when I feel like I am just wandering around with no profound thoughts or answers or takeaways, I assume I have nothing worth sharing.
I think I’ve been shooting myself in the foot on that one. What if I’m actually allowed to express myself without having all of the answers? Or any of them for that matter?
Maybe I don’t need to have everything figured out, I just need to be awake enough to notice stuff – possibility, beauty, stupid shit we accept as “normal” when it is anything but. And then maybe I just need to put that stuff into words and be brave enough to spit them out.
Maybe there is value in throwing questions out into the ether without having to know what the fuck is going to come back. Maybe just asking them out loud makes others curious enough to ask their own questions, too. And that’s something, right?
Maybe the answers I’ve been grasping for aren’t even mine to have. Maybe they don’t exist at all. Maybe I collect them along the way after living through the questions long enough.
Who the hell knows? I surely never will if I don’t ask the question to begin with.
That’s what I’m going to start doing for a while, Universe. I’m going to stop expecting myself to have clarity or control or certainty before I write and just spew all of my crazy unanswered questions out into the world. I’m going to ask “what if” and let that be enough.
Some of the questions might lead somewhere. Some will lead absolutely fucking nowhere. I’ll almost certainly change my mind halfway through. Perhaps I’ll stumble upon some answers that inspire a thousand more questions.
I don’t know. And for once, maybe I don’t need to.
XO – Bailee
September 14, 2026
