What the Hell Should I Do?

Dear Universe,

I feel like you’re testing me and I need to kindly ask you to knock it the fuck off.

I’m laying here again at 4:47am not able to get back to sleep, staring out my (still curtainless) window with my brain on overthink overload trying to process everything that has been coming through the channel lately.

Because things are happening in my life again. People. Opportunities. Direction.

And I don’t know what the hell to do with any of it yet.

Maybe my damage is showing here, but I can’t accept that potentially good things are landing without asking “but what’s the catch here?”

Is this another lesson I’m supposed to learn?

Am I being given the wrong things to see if I’ve become wise enough to recognize they’re wrong?

Or are they the right things and I’m supposed to know they’re right without questioning?

I don’t trust myself yet, Universe. The radar isn’t there. I don’t know if my intuition and my gut feelings are worth following or if I am just fucked up and completely delulu.

And I mean, I get that I can never know ahead of time whether a decision is the right one or not. I have to just pick a lane, go with it, and adjust.

I know that’s like, my entire life’s “thing” based on how you’ve designed me. All of this is my path. I’m built to fumble my way through things and learn along the way. I’m meant to just feel out one small decision at a time and then look back and say “oh – that makes sense now.”

But waaaa I don’t want to! I want the non-existant certainty!

I’m fucking tired, Universe! I’m terrified of making the wrong choices or going in a direction that is going to cause me more pain, more exhaustion, more misalignment.

Can’t you just give me the damn answers? Or are you already and I just can’t see it?

I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, Universe. I do. I just want to do right by you and this life you’ve given me but I’m not convinced I know how to do that yet.

And ugh yeah, maybe that’s the whole damn point – to just do it scared. If you take a wrong turn the GPS always gets you back to the destination in the end, right?

Well I am scared. And I guess I have to just suck it up and figure out the way anyway.

Dammit Universe! Get ready to re-route.

XO – Bailee

July 2, 2026