Divorce

Dear daughters,

Mommy and Daddy are getting divorced. Or rather, we are already divorced – the paperwork was finalized and came through on my 35th birthday. Daddy has decided that he would be happier in a relationship with another woman.

I know you don’t understand what is happening. I don’t either, really. But there’s so much I wish I could explain to you about all of this right now anyway.

I didn’t want this for you. For me. For any of us. I wanted and would have fought until the day I died for you to have a family that was whole and happy.

The truth is that I am not whole or happy right now. I feel broken and small. Tired and weak.

But I know I can’t be. You need me to be more than that right now. And despite everything else, that is my most important job – my highest honor: to be there for you when you need me.

This next period won’t be easy. Some days Mom is going to break down and cry in front you. Some days Mom is going to be distant – lost in thought and swept away in feeling. I promise to try my best to limit that as much as I can, but I’m only human and there’s a lesson in that for you, too. I know, though, that you need me to be strong right now and I’ll do everything in the little power I feel like I have to be that for you.

We are going to build a life together. A new life. Not one we wanted or what we would have chosen for ourselves if we’d been given the chance. But a beautiful and meaningful life nonetheless.

Please know that I don’t hate your dad. On the contrary, I love him extremely much and I’m sad for him and for us that the is the path he feels he needs to take to find happiness. Maybe he will. Maybe this is what it takes for him to grow into the man he’s meant to become.

But I also need you to know that what he has done is not OK. Daddy chose to violate trust. Daddy chose to hurt a lot of people. Daddy chose not to fight for us when he had a chance. It was not OK. And I won’t let you grow up believing any other narrative.

That said, please know how very much we both love you. Nothing that is happening right now is your fault. None of it is anything you could have changed. And we both will do all we can to make sure that you know and see and feel how much you are loved and supported every day for the rest of your lives, even if we do it from separate places.

We are going to get through this, my amazing girls. I might not be able to see very far through the fog right now, but I know there are better days for us ahead.

I love with you all my heart and will be there for you always. Take my hands and let’s enter the next chapter together.

-Mommy