What if my values clash with the rules?

Dear Universe,

What if my values clash with the rules?

This letter may be controversial. And the fact that it may be controversial pisses me off.

Because in order to dive into my assessment of this question, I would have to admit to breaking some rules that I probably shouldn’t admit to breaking (especially online for all to see). But, to be honest, I’m not sure I give two shits about having broken said rules and this “what if” deserves to be asked.

So instead of me outright admitting what we’ve done, Universe, let me tell you a very hypothetical and not-at-all-based-on-reality story about a little girl named Poppy.

Poppy did not go to school on Monday because she didn’t sleep well the night before. Poppy also did not go to school today because her little sister was up all night puking and Poppy’s dad could not drive Poppy to school whilst her little sister projectile vomited all over the car. So Poppy has missed two days of school. The end.

Except it is not the end for me. Because I am dwelling. Big time.

Apparently all of the “good girl” trauma I’ve grown up with is still lingering because I am very uncomfortable with breaking the rules. And Poppy not going to school when she probably should have is breaking the rules and it’s triggering the fuck out of me.

But at the same time, if I look at my own values and what I truly believe in and how I want my kids to grow up – I honestly don’t care that Poppy missed these days. At all.

And maybe it’s just me making a way bigger deal about it than it needs to be, but I’m all angry inside that I even have to take the rules into consideration. I’m angry that I have to feel any guilt over Poppy needing extra sleep or removing a stressful logistical nightmare from our family’s plates.

I’m angry that I have to worry about her “falling behind” when I don’t care if she falls behind. Behind what?!

Of course I don’t want her to be a burden to the teacher or the other kids if she has to catch up. But then I’m angry that Poppy can’t live her life the way she needs to and has to be on the schedule of all the other kids who got enough sleep or don’t have puking siblings.

I’m angry that we have to accommodate our lives to a system. A system with rules that I don’t believe in but apparently will still feel incredibly guilty for not following anyway.

Or at least that’s how I would feel if I was Poppy’s mom and this wasn’t all a hypothetical story…

So where the fuck does that leave me, Universe?

Is it my own shit I need to figure out – getting over my good girl trauma and being OK with breaking the rules as long as my values are in-tact? Or do I need to keep obeying the rules because my good girl radar is the socially accepted signal to follow and my values are just nice-to-haves?

I don’t know. All I do know is that something in me is sitting less right than whatever is inside Poppy’s sister’s stomach. And it’s making me question everything.

XO – Bailee

September 29, 2026